|
|
Post by Evelyn Qualls on Jul 10, 2014 4:44:05 GMT
Cinderella's gone to New York City Wants to shave her head and disappear Eighteen years of never feeling pretty Said she's finally, thinking clear.
Break of dawn and her converse move to stand upon the ferry as it started to shove off from the docks. Her fingers closed around the rail of the upper level once she climbed the steps, ocean breeze rushed past her loose ebony locks. She felt the chill despite the summer, deep in her bones like a damp sickness settling in. Her skin broke out in goose bumps, a flair down her arms and she tightened her grip upon the metal bar. The sleek glide of the barge as it cut through the current and choppy waters wasn't felt with the weight it held, no rocking for Evelyn. Green hued eyes stared forward, the mainland was a thin line in the horizon etched by a carving of buildings like square mountains drawn on canvas. The orb of the sun rose behind this image casting a glare to echo outlines shadowed in a ghastly mirages.
She wasn't going for pleasure this round.
It was a long hour standing, her thoughts a mile a minute, a never ending loop of what ifs and can I do this? She descended the level to the main floor, waiting in the back of the crowd that gathered to depart the vessel. When it was finally her turn, she took the ropes in either hand and walked the wooden connecter bridge from the ferry to the docks, her feet coming to land on solid ground once more. It had been a little over a year since she had come around - not to the mainland, but home.
If anybody comes around to find me If anybody asks me she says Tell 'em all I'm in the deep and singing With this music, in my head
She lifted her gaze from her shoes up, the group had already cleared the docks going about their daily lives and Evelyn was just, there. She took the first step, and the rest just came naturally. She didn't worry with cabs, she knew the way and she needed the time. Her hands swung at her sides as her glided strides carried her past intersections and down sidewalks. The closer the distance she closed, the more nervous she became. Her palms were clammy, sweat glistened across her brow and her heart was in her throat. She turned to the walkway leading to decent sized home, three floors tall - a brick rancher and a half wide, two car garage and freshly asphalted drive way settled on a little over half an acre of land. A short brown picket fence surrounded the abode, summer blooms lined the fence in it's length around the yard.
She took a deep breath and unhooked the latch on the gate and moved along the walk way to the door. Her balled knuckles lifted and hesitated with a breath of space between her and the door. She stilled, frozen - her breath caught a hitch in her throat. Her hearing faulted, a blanket of silence seemed to fall upon her only and it was blaring loud like static. She swayed as if faint, all she heard then was the loud patter of her heart in her ears. What scared her so terribly? Rejection?
People talking in their sleep Can't see the forest for the trees It's all scratch ticket lottery Brave new world, same old crowd Good things whisper, bad things shout I don't hear 'em now.
She closed her eyes and let her knuckles connect with the door three times, loudly. She waited there before knocking again, the door moved - handle twisted and a rush of cold air hit her when the door opened. She stood face to face with an older version of herself - her mother. In all her thoughts that played her reunion with her, nothing prepared her for what came next.
"You shouldn't have come." her mother shook her head, barring the way into the house with her own lithe body frame. One hand held against the frame of the door, the other curled fingers around the door itself near the handle. Hazel green eyes a few shades darker than Evelyn's held her eyes squarely not even the decency to look away when she had made her comment.
A baby's cry broke the silence that fell between them, "What is that?" Evelyn inquired, brows rose despite her heart had dropped into her stomach.
"Something that no longer concerns you. We cannot take accounts for your actions anymore, Evelyn. Haven't you dragged our name through the mud enough?" She tried to shut the door but Evelyn pushed her foot in it's way.
"Wait hear me out..I..I was young, stupid - I couldn't help it..the disorder..Please Mamma. Don't!" She held her foot there keeping the door from shutting.
"Evelyn. No. I've heard this before. There's nothing more we can do for you. It's your time to learn on your own." Her mother's voice sounded tired, like she had repeated it a thousand times over. Her features were weathered, yet she was still young - having had Evelyn at a young age herself. The baby's cry silenced as it seemed someone had gone to console the infant.
"Sister or a brother?" Evelyn continued, her eyes dancing with dampness. When she received no answer she continued on further, "I'm not asking for anything, Mamma..I'm not asking for money, or to come back. I'm asking for forgiveness. Mercy. Something to know that I still have your love, and Papa's. Grandmammas? Something. Please."
"You have all we could give you while you were here. Everything you need to be a functioning citizen. We've given you all we could. Goodbye. And good luck." She used the toe of her shoe to push Evelyn's out and shut the door, the audible click of a lock in place was the falling point of her effort to remain standing. She sunk to the ground, the door to her back as she slid down it to the cement porch. Her eyes were damp but tears didn't come, nothing came rolling down her cheeks. Her insides felt raw, bared and desolate. Her body shook but without sobs as she simply stared forward down the yard that stretched before her. This was not a place she could call home anymore.
Ain't too proud to swim or drown now baby Ain't too proud to sink or see it through.
She stayed on the mainland for two nights and left the early morning on the third day. She still hadn't shed a tear, her heart felt hollow, empty, listless. She walked the city in a daze, not really feeling anything the entire time. A heaviness began to settle upon her, energy was depleted, exhaustion began to settle into her limbs. Her gait was exaggerated, an effort to even keep up, keep on. She did manage the necessities though, showered, fed, hygiene. But it was all like a mindless routine to keep up appearances when inside she was barren of life. Green eyes lifted from the waters that the barge cut through as the island came upon them without her ready. This was life now, sink or swim. She had a family here - one that accepted her readily without questioning her past, one that wasn't even of her blood. She held her head up, pushed herself away from the railing, but despite her realization, she couldn't shake that feeling being
discarded still.
Song Lyrics - "Heaphones" by Matt Nathanson |
|
